Have u listen to my immortal by Evanescence??
its emo..i hate that song since i listen for the 1st time at youtube years ago
why do i always listen to this damn song even if i dont like it..
cause i have my shadow
i dont even know which one is me anymore
am i the emo one or am i the chipper one??
i'll be eaten by my shadow if this continue -_-
not everything i told jessen and this one include
we got kind of cold war, me and noh that is
jessen's totally right
when im in a bad mood i'll be texting him in english
as me and noh usually text in english
i didnt realize it sooner
but i did it just now
and i usually have fight with boys in english
that's something i remember as in english they got tons of "bad" words
well,its all my fault..
after we broke up 2 years ago
im still remembering him and try to talk with him but he just..
dont like me anymore i guess..
boys pride
its me who broke up with him
wanna know why did i broke up with him?
i dont feel secure
im the one who told him i like him
i've like him for years but when he got into an accident
i just can fake it anymore
better late than sorry they say
and i ask him if i can flirt with him
he's a nice guy and didnt talk much and such a scary cat too =P
(sorry noh XD)
after flirting and stuff, he ask me to be his special gf
i just cant believe it
noh and me?
i feel like God was playing prank on me
he's my 1st special bf and his 1st
so we didnt have that much experience
we didnt have same time table as im working part time and he was else where
i dont think that we even going out!!
we keep it a secret from our parents
cause we'll be dead if they know it
(love story by taylor swift)
time passes
and we're having long distance relationship
i was scared actually
i dont know if our relationship could last
i know myself, a long distance is a threat
later i dont even know where we did wrong
mostly it was me
i guess i was so busy with my study and stuff as a freshmen
and didnt have time for him
shot!!our relationship began to crumble
usually it was me who did the talking and he only listen
i dont like it
bla bla bla..
i start asking if he got someone better than me and he asked the same
talking to him only make me angry and cry
and one night he told me about a girl
i get jeoluos over nothing and i want a break up
he just..ok
hell..just like that
then i was like..
who am i to him?
im not really that important is it?
i was crying like hell
feeling so stupid and useless
then i know how do we feel when we break up
i off my phone
didnt go out for 3 days
3 f**king days!!
i rarely or can i say never stay in my room even for the whole day
i didnt tell my roommate until i was ok
our relationship didnt last even for a year
stupid me
i never get jealous like that before..
noh was my 2nd biggest crush actually
for my 1st crush,when he told me bout his *gf
i was giving my support though i dont like it
i just want him to be happy
but not noh
i dont even feel like sharing even with his own family or friends
i want him to be mine and only mine
im a mess
i dont know
maybe i just dont feel like he belong to me
he did say that he love me and such but sometimes i wonder
is it truly from him or it just in a heat of moment or maybe passion..uhuk
sometimes when he said that he just cut me deeper..
i listen to you when you said you love me
but the feeling was so lonely
the smile only maintained for a few seconds
then it turned sour...
i think you really love me
but im feeling very painful too
or else it wouldnt have felt bitter when we kissed..
where can i find the exit to leave you
but where else can i go after i leave?
(Chu Kou_Exit by Fahrenheit)
yep,i got the exit but i got no where to run
i cry in silence every night before i went to bed cause i really miss him
what did they say?? the bed seems wider?? =P
but he didnt seems even care.. duh!
i dont know what happen to him at that time and i dont want to know either
life was harsh.. LOL
after im over with the nightmare and enjoying myself with friend again
i pray to God for him to be ok too *pray m(-_-)m
we did contact sometimes in two years
but he didnt want to even meet me
so i know it then that he had it hard too
maybe he really did love me but he just didnt know how to show it
then after two years,what i thought was long
and i didnt even get a *bf as i was always thinking and comparing with him
well,i can say they are better than noh.. ops..
but i just cant ignore the feeling can i?
well,maybe just until noh forgive me that is.. +_+
maybe then i can move forward and let my heart warm again
not only faking and crying on the bed..
shot!!
i dont even know that the tears from your eyes can stay on the bed.. LOL
well then after two years we meet again and after a while he was ok
im too afraid to bring out bout the past so we just being close
bla bla bla
i thought it was ok if i try to bring up the subject
so then i told him everything include the "stalking" u can say..huk2
i told him i dont feel secure with him
like he's drifting away from me so i make a stupid choice to break up
before he even said anything
he kind of didnt want me to bring the subject
guess the pain is just too real
u read the lyric later..
i cried again..after 2 year
wonder if jessen would laugh at me if he knows
hey jessen,i cry for a boy..how do you find it? ='(
stupid girl
i should have known
i should have known
that im not a princess
this isnt a fairy tale
(White horse by taylor swift)
and tonight he makes me cry over the same topic
he said never let go of his hand then im not going to let go
i always tell him, i just need the answer, not comfort
it was like we were pulling a rope and i didnt even know if it was him at the end of the rope
or he just tied the rope to a big rock or tree
this isnt me..im not a push over
but i am a bit emotional
i said i never believe in true love then what is this??
God playing prank on me again??
i think i had enough
if he didnt wanna say anything then be it
i really hate it when i become a heartless person
but i did..months after we broke up
its like im living in my own world and the hell with everyone else
i even ignore mizuki and dira..
mizuki of all people, my 1st friend in the university when everyone ignore me
im such an ungrateful person..
listen to the songs will you and do drop a comment about the songs if you wish
until then..farewell~
ps: im not going to cut my wrist for this stupid reason
but i've done something stupid to my left hand
seven the emo girl..
(not aisha...sarah.. sarah seven.. =P)
ps2: if i can do something like this,putting smiley..my brain still functioning ok ryte??
My Immortal by Evanescene
I'm so tired of being here,
suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and
it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried,
I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried,
I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along
When you cried,
I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me
Dear God by Avenged SevenfoldA lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah
Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again
There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah
Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again
Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade
A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once againAvenged Sevenfold - Dear God <----click for video  |
| can i be selfish and told you that? wonder if you already bored with me.. sayonara is such a pain |
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