hello~ ~ ~
konichiwa~
God,how long has it be?
well,to wrap up,
its already september means,
my birthday around the corner
i think im going to take a day break on that day
just to go shopping by myself
wait,what day will it be?
it'll be sunday!!
hm..wanna go shoppping with risk but he's too far away
and it'll be wasting soo much money
my part-time job cant have it
as im paying my own petrol now..lol
o yeah..
in a short summary
well,maybe not really short
i already finish my practical,
now working part time as a research assistant
with $800 a month
not so bad eh??
i've been working for 3 months if this month end
and else,what have i been doing?
let see..
im into reading soo much
well,to be honest,
some harry potter fanfics
i convert it to ebooks and cant be part with my hp
somewhere in early past 3 months,
i broke with my bf
i-broke-up-with-him..
again if u may add
im not going to regret it though
it'll be a lie if i said im not sad,
im nearly going crazy though im the one who want to break up
my friends support me of course
as my close family know nothing bout this
im going to be married to whoever he is
so i might end it soon i thought
to be honest,i never want to get marry
it just seems impossible for me
but i do want to have babies or a baby
i told my friends that im going to get marry
when i got myself a baby
my mum said no to adoption
she's no fun
enough of that..
what else,o ya,
that ex of mine
i met him during eid
i near to tears again once i saw him
fortunately,that time i was sitting with risk in car
and he always so jelous with my ex
he told me something about that jelousy
that kept me on track
not going to say anything much there,
i already confess everything to shana,
my 2years worth roomate
so nothing on it sorry
btw,you know why i start this again?
i accidently a-c-c-i-d-e-n-t-l-y delete my diary
so s-t-u-p-i-d of me
God gracious
so here i am,
keeping you here so i wont forgot
i tend to forget
u know me well
oh and..
im going to post my twitter status here
just to update things
some questions:
1) should i share the bills as i already got a part-time job?
2) what should i do to make myself worth at home?
3) what should i do to become a woman? i mean,im not a girl anymore that i finish my study
4) should i continue my study or find a job?
5) should i change my room?
6) im really scared sometimes, of everything.. not of death of course, and that is the problem.. i dont feel afraid of death, means, i dont feel like sad of leaving this world.. my family, friends.. everything or everyone will still move on even im not here right.. i kind of didnt have oblingation to live.. we will always be alive if it is something in us that still want to live in this world.. then what should i do to keep myself want to live? i tend to cut more.. life is not that hard, it just.. it feels empty.. i think i need to purify myself isnt it? i need to be closer to God and my spiritual energy seems weaker.. sometimes i just dont know myself.. but i need to be alive for my family so im ok around them but when im on my own, i just dont know myself.. i heard once that suicide is not a sin but dont worry, im not going to let my family heart broken.. not yet.. though i dont know how long will it last.. everyday i only thought that my line is nearer.. but thay say bad guy live long so maybe i still have a long way before me.. well, its God to decide
ps: cool,has been long since im this dark..thanks though..im bit ok now though not light =P
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