I'm Not Lying.. Just Lying.. (MAY)

its actually out of my habit to wake up early
i did it all the time since i was little
its the alarm clock in my body
so if i didnt wake up early,
i know something wrong with my body..
not enough rest or too much resting..

when i was younger,
i sometimes awake earlier 
before my parents woke me up
but i love faking sleep
and just lying on bed
as my dad told me that 
he'll always wake me up if he's around
no matter how big i am as long as he's there
as he really love me
im such an insecurity person
judge me

nowadays, 
im not even sure what makes people think 
im sleeping, lazying in bed
at this hour (7.30 am)
that is so not me
ya, im being lazy, but not sleeping,
only lying there on my bed..
i prefer some games, manga, light reading..
or trying to get some work down if im up to it
but so not sleeping..
such a waste of time dont u think??
and we only got 24h a day
but yeah, still in my room,
with light out,
no sound 
so people would say i was sleeping
im not lying to them!!
just lying there on my bed..

mum always thought im sleeping in my room
on a day off like this
i rarely did
but im not going to tell her that
cause even if she knew
it makes no diff
she would say im wasting my time..
at least if she thinks im sleeping 
she might think im resting
though she still didnt approve much..

i wish i wish to go back home until next time (MAY)

im being very careful with what i think 
or u can say, what i wish for.. 
as it might just come true.. 
and it might not be your cup of tea.. 
u might wish for something else, 
and u get it 10 fold that u cant help but 
regret it.. 
and start blaming yourself for nothing.. 

a simple:
i wish for
"its not your fault", 
"everyone loves you", 
"i love u",
and end it with a hug and kisses

may begin with different scenes that
u might hate yourself for wishing..

"i wish i wish to go back home until next time"
though i never really know what it means..
i keep repeating it over and over again..
i just wanna go home already.......

ps: be very careful with what you wish for..

at last.. it end.. for today (MAY)

to say im a M,

i would be offend,

as

i hate pain i hate pain i hate pain.. 

this is the real truth, who doesnt hate pain, 

well, unless ur a M of course

(no offense if u r.. =_=")

well, im not a normal healthy person 

as most normal people are..

im the person who got sick almost all year around

for differents reasons each time

(co0L.. not!!)

but..

i like this kind of feeling..

when we're sick,

most of the time, we'll be thinking of HIM

HIS forgiveness, HIS mercy, HIS love

so i cant help but thinking

i dont mind getting sick that much..

if that makes me closer to HIM..

those pains remind me,

im alive..

and HE's always there..

ps: i dont sound like a big M right? but.. the characteristics..
dear Lord.. x_x

Work (April)

im working half day this month
reason?
im too lazy
and its been 3 days overdue to my paycheck
im too lazy to get it
so why do i work?
for money?
it couldnt be as i havent take my paycheck yet
and its not that im in need of money
well,if i got money then thats a bonus
if i didnt,
whatever..

so why i work my *** off for 
12 ****ing hours a day??
honestly, its because im in debt
and im not really good at saying no
when people asked for my help
am i a moron or what??

ps: it was not-a-funny-joke, i need to finish one of my unfinish work, thats why..

Off to work!

going to work now..
now i prefer to braid my hair
note that i have longer hair..
least troublesome..
sometime i just wish i can ask or force someone to braid my hair..
miss my cousin jie.. (if that what i call her,will check back later, no time now =P)
jie would braid my hair
and i only keep my hair because of her
each time i look at my hair in the mirror
it would remind me of her
as jie had told me once,
"you always play with your hair,
ever since you were a kid"
and i was like.. 
"really? i dont remember that.." XD
and when i told jie i wanna cut my hair,
she told me,
"do you think your hair will grow long enough for your marriage?"
0_o
do i need longer hair to get marry?
let's think............
idk! XD
God, look at the time, c ya!

will my bro be kind enough to braid my hair?

bittersweet dream (sweet nightmare)

bitter - may not happen
sweet - the people and atmosphere
dream - the unconcious mind
nightmare - may crying afterward cause i know it's merely a dream

ps: not much time to write but this happen last night, so before i forgot..

REAWAKENING (how many time was it already?)

shocked

omg omg omg
how long has it been??
half a year already??
i was checking my email for stuff and
i just found the-comments-from-my-blog
and i was like..
omg!
my blog!
sevenshadows!
my dirties little secrets!
and i was like..
go through a few blog post..
and read every little fr**king thing i wrote
and i was like..
my.. was i that polite?
you can guess one of the posts i read right?
and so many things had change..
i'm not even rememer who was i anymore
LOL XD

anyway,
i may have some post that i might just post here
if i didnt delete it yet though.. =_="
let me go through for a bit eh..
ja~ 
  

gomen neh?

ps: dear god, i delete most of it as i dont care less as long as i already wrote down everything.. anyway, i'll try wrote down as much of my thought and memories here as im bad at expressing them.. cheers! xx