SeVenShadowS: 01/01/2011

Sunday, January 30

29012011

own by selfy

still at campus..

in hostel

today im wearing

pink-white-stripe shirt

black half pant

and i think i look kinda cute in the mirror

perasan nih ^///^

yesterday i cook breakfast for myself

but i cook too much

(well,not really)

so i sms mizuki asking her if she's going to join me

actually i want to ask dira too but she's too far and i dont want to trouble her

masak bihun sup pagi2 =P

it was like rather a gamble as it was holiday

(im on hpliday now..yippee!!)

and mizuki use to wake up late if there's no class

well,me too sometimes

nak cakap orang..ops..haha XD

to my surprise mizuki reply and said she's gonna take her bath first

actually i sms her just after i finish cooking

so when she reply i already finish a bowl of noodle =P

then i said i'll wait and gonna make her some tea

coffee is such a trouble..

i wait for her for more than half an hour and

i was rather nervous at that time

as it was rather my first time invite someone other to my cooking

funny..haha

even at home im only a helping hand

or being force to..by no other than risk..

urg!! he always make a face when i said no that i cant stand

im such a good sis..

wait..im not really a good sis..

hm..thats feel more like me..LOL

me and izuki enjoy the meal very much

my second though =)

and mizuki was having her third..

saying "hm boleh la..sedap gak.."

i was soo happy that she finish my cook

now i wish to become a cook

im such a simpleton..LOL =D

and the thing i wanna say is..

after we have our meal,

we talk a bit and suddenly eyes was only

i was like.. "why??"

"ko memang selalu pakai macam ni eh?? kelakar lah.."

etto..i cant really get it what she means by then

"ko pakai baju ni..pakai lagi seluar..pelik lah XD"

"so ko nak aq pakai baju ni saje xyah pakai seluar?? lagilah sexy.."

i was wearing a white-red-flower mini dress with a half pant

if i didnt wear the pants it looks like im wearing a mini skirt

and i dont really like it as i need to sit properly T_T

actually the mini dress is kind of showing a bit i guess

but when i tried to wear the inner cloth.it didnt look good on me

so i lost it..and wear only the mini dress

bad bad sarah..

what??it didnt look good on me.. XD

own by selfy

well,i kind of look a bit like this =>

but its a short sleeve

not really..

its an off-shoulder but i make it a short sleeve

we dont wanna cause any trouble in the area do we?? =P

but maybe the back and front really is showing a bit XD

well,duh..its not a t-shirt..

im just wearing normal actually

it just that

i dont really wear it like this outside

only when i hang out with my closest friends

or in my room..i love dolling myself

but lolita is a bit costly =P

me outside usually is just a boring tomboy XD

why should i doll myself for someone else..

i dont understand them =_=

ps: risk is a better cook than me..i think..mum said so too..as he use to cook by himself but he just too lazy to cook for me..he RARELY cook for me..what a bro..and what a sis XD

ps2: the pictures own by selfy..i accidentally delete the tab and couldnt get the url..baka T_T

ps3: ops..where's my headdress in 2nd pic??poor me..out of pic again..that hairclip should go for 1st pic and 2nd pic with a hairband =)

Sunday, January 23

car hepy me hepy

today kan..

sarah is so hepy2 ^o^

kawaii girl with usagi-chan

today 1st tym tau sarah bwk kete gi snowash

bpusing gak ah cari snowash

drive pyer drive tjumpa satu

tp xsmpat nk pusing coz tempat tu kna tukar line

so trus lagi drive...

da nak spai campus bru jpe..

tym ni memang ngah bawak 60km/h je so sempat la brek

bwk 40 je..

bdebar gak la rsa nyer

coz tempat tu kna msuk lorong

da tu bukit plak tu

tym 2 diorg (pekerja) ngah cuci satu kete ni

pastu ade la dak2 laki (pelanggan) ngah duk sia2 atas krusi

cam cuak je tgk diorang

senyap je same sendiri

cam dak2 baeq gtu..maka diam itu lbey baeq =P

ye la kan..slalu ny boy yang sarah jpe kat ganu memang pantang diam ni

yang kali ni cam sopan jer

sarah pum da confuse kot2 msuk alam laen..wawawa XD

then sarah pum gi la tye yang sorang pekerja ni..

dy ngah cuci kete laen sorang2 tym tu

sarah tye la dy..

"er..cni..snow wash..saya..kete..boleh??"

tak coherence langsung

wat malu muke jak

konon 1st tym msuk kota XP

tp tym tu sarah betul bdebar ni

konon cam nak ckp "helo bley knl..nma awak saper??" LOL

pastu sarah gi cakap ngan towkey ni

dy cakap sejam siap kete

so sarah tye la dy kan

nak kna tunggu ke ape..

dy cakap mana2 pum bley

sarah try kol kawan kot2 ada yang da bangun tdo

tapi masuk voice mail

so sarah pum join la duk sia2 ngan dak2 laki kat ctu

sarah ambik krusi paling hujung

nampak yang gaya diorang tak cam dak kampung..

baru je sarah nak berpikir umo diorang

diorang pum bangun

sarah kelip2 je lah mata cam gitu coz diorang datang dekat

rupenyer nak ambik helmet ngan fail..

"UNIVERSITI MALAYSIA TERENGGANU" ad tulis kat fail tu

ops..dak u aq rpe nyer..kuan3 =D

so sarah pum senyum ah kat diorang

patut la yang sorang tu cam kenal je..

yang sorang ambil fail ni da cam segan2 ah

try cover fail..

ek eleh,kat motor da nampak kot sticker merah UMT =P

diorang basuh motor rpe nyer..

dak laki yang sarah rsa cam familiar tu tbe2 wat muke cuak jer

sarah pum cam da tkut dah

'aq silap senyum ke??huk2..'

xsempat nak pk laen,

ade uncle duk kat krusi yang diorang tu tadi bangun

uncle tu pum tyer la blaja kat mana sume2

ye lah,maybe agak pelik gal datang snowash sorg2

borak2 kejap ngn uncle tu tentang umt,

kete ny da siap cuci dah

so say bb la kan

untie ni plak yang ganti tempat uncle tu

untie ni keje kat snowash jugak

borak2 ngn untie ni kejap

untie ni pum move gi cuci kete..

borak ngan towkey plak

pastu da sume orang wat keje,

sarah pum tengok la kete yang diorang cuci tu

kete tu nampak sangat hepy tau..

so sarah pum toleh tengok kete sendiri

pekerja yang 1st sarah tegur tadi ngah basuh kete sarah

tbe2 sarah rse cam bahagie sangat tau

cam.. "omg,my car look so hepy2..it sparkle2" gtu..

sarah pum senyum je lah sorang2 cam kerang *ting tong*

ble sarah da stat rsa borink duk sia2 kat situ

sarah pum bru prasan ade paper

baca paper jap

banyak gak a info yang sarah dapat ari ni

1) jangan bagi love bite kat leher pasangan anda belah kanan coz dy maybe akan terkena strok

2) jangan cari pasangan yang merokok

3) semua orang ada peluang untuk seronok even as OKU, so be grateful

4) billionaire has the stupidest brilliant idea untuk membazir duit sendiri dan duet orang laen

5) media skang memang da xreti nak tapis dah, nak kira poket sendiri jer..sebab duet moral jatuh
6) jangan kerap makan bubble gum,nanti buncit (susah nyer nak stop T^T)

kete sarah pum siap cuci

luar dalam skali

dy siap sembur perfume gitu.. wawawa =D

sarah pum bayar lah rm12

tym tu sarah cam nak cakap ngan kete,

nak tyer kete sarah hepy ke x

tapi coz ramai orang kan..

sarah pum drive away la..

smile,nod kat diorang dulu..as a tq

bersinar kete sarah..

ni yang nak gi shopping lagi ni

nak tayang kete kat kawan..wawawa XD

sarah pum tanyer la kete..

"kete2..macam mna??awak hepy x??saya suke klu awak hepy.." *smile2*

nanti sarah nak gi ketuk body plak

kat telipot rase nyer uncle tu cakap murah..

tapi xnak la g sorang..

nanti ajak teman plak..

yang hari ni coz sarah straight dari rumah

so trus jak cari sendiri..

tapi sarah memang hepy sangat

kete sarah pum cam hepy jer

apa lagi yang yang bley wat kete hepy??

i wish my car can talk..

cam dalam transformer tu..

baru sarah tau ape yang kete sarah ske dan apa yang buat kete hepy =)

ps: when i was driving at 80+ today,atas jambatan tu ha..ad la kete ni,xreti nak bg signal tukar lorong..seb beq sarah sempat brek dan kete belakang jauh..mcm apeee je..bersopan lah anda di jalan raya!!

ps2: my grandma told me b4 i left home.. "dah la pakai fesyen macam2.." LOL

Friday, January 21

politeness

eh?? ara??

she left without saying anything

again..

my roommate,

shana

for me,its a bit rude

as im in the same room

its like she didnt like me

or is it only me??

i dont know about others

but as for me

each time im gonna take my leave,

i bid everyone sayonara

or saying that i'll take my leave

or im going first

and if they still do their work..

ganbatte..

or dont work to hard

and whenever my roommate or my friend going to take their leave

it would be

take care or be careful

i thought it is normal to bid others before you leave

or when they told you they are leaving

i even say something before i leave the room

if the person is sleeping

even when my roommate is not around i would say something

before i leave our room

and upon entering the room of course

i always make sure myself to knock

and wait for few seconds before open the door

and i read in the web

that it is normal for us to do that

saying you're going first and such

especially when you are at your work

its actually a must!!

o well,i think everyone is different

and maybe because we have been roommate for 2 years

she feel its unnecessary for her to say anything

though i wish she could say something before she leave

it makes me feel lonely when she doesnt

as its only me who say "take care"

if i say her going out

n come a reply "hm.." or no reply at all

my other roommate, winnie

she bid me first most of the time

before going out

and when i say take care

she would smile or "ok.."

or "sarah jangan nakal eh.." or something on the line

it feel warm dont you think so??

when you're at home,

didnt you say something when you entering the house??

"saya dah balik!!" or "im home" or "tadaima"

and when going out??

"saya kuar dulu.." or "im going" or "ittekimasu"

so it should be natural isnt it??

as natural as saying good night before going to sleep

but maybe it just me

its also feels lonely when sleeping without saying good night

as at home i would say good night loudly to my family before going off to bed

im too lazy to get out from my room XD

"mummy,saya tdo dulu!!gud nyte semua!!" or something =P

mizu!! happy2!!

im sorry

please forgive me hafiz

i dont care what others call me

i dont care what others tell me

but please hafiz

forgive me

i'll never leave this world peacefully if you dont forgive me

i dont want to return as a ghost after i die

i dont want any regret

forgive me please............

ps: fall asleep before i could post it yesterday..im helpless =_=" but my mood is better now..i miss risk..he always tell me i should stop blaming n forgive myself..though its about something else when he told me that =P miss risk....i feel lonely n alone

forgive me please..

Wednesday, January 19

confess to jessen??

last night I went to dinner with jessen

he asked me after class yesterday morning

as its been long since we had dinner together

but I avoid him,

saying I’ll look at my schedule first +_+

at 3.30pm,I had counseling (again!!)

the counselor,mr zul want to know about my development

kind of report back I guess

he ask everything..

ask if I'm doing ok and happy with my life right now

I told him about dad, mum, risk

how I'm doing with family ,friends, coursemates, study, hafiz and jessen

he told me that hafiz feeling is not important but what important is mine

I was like..did this guy heard me right?? I already confess..duh

so now what?? Now I need to pursue hafiz??

I don’t think so..no hell way..

I'm not going to force hafiz if that what he suggest..

but I'm tired with my own feeling

I'm tired of waiting

and the thing with jessen,

I think he likes me with the hints he gave

but I'm not sure myself

mr zul told me that maybe I should ignore jessen

as a boy isn’t the same with a girl

he will get over it in some time

and I was thinking for myself..

isn’t it the same with hafiz..

maybe hafiz already bored with me

and I'm just a fling or something……..

@_@

which remind me..

I haven’t post his present yet

will he accept it??he said he didn’t want it before..

it’s hurt that I nearly smash that thing..haha XD

but till now I didn’t have any confident to give it to him =P

then after the meeting I went shopping again..

just to unwind myself

for how many times it is this month I went shopping,

I don’t really count

but I didn’t go to the town,only nearby area

a nearby mini mall

I was thinking and thought that maybe tonight is the right time

for me to confirm jessen’s feeling to me

I call him afterward and ask him if he already had a date for that night

I actually kind of wish for him to have another date so that I don’t feel so guilty..

I'm a meanie right??

as he said he didn’t have a date, I ask him for a dinner or rather

agree to the dinner he had invited me to

as I don’t want anyone we know disturb us and I want some privacy to talk with him

we went a bit far from hostel to have our dinner

actually he was kind of suspicious as I never want to eat far from hostel before

but I said nothing and we promised to meet that night

he came to my hostel and we went there with my car

I'm driving of course.. he didn’t have the license XP

last night was the first time he rode with me

we order our dinner and we just talk normally

general topic.. study, friend..

I don’t want to bring the big issue just yet..

then after both of us has finished our dinner,

I start to feel nervous..

I didn’t know how to begin so I drank a glass of plain water to calm myself

as I forgot my phone, I borrow his hp and typed,

“ko tau xbf aq hafiz..”

and I stop there, didn’t know how to continue

so I asked him to continue instead..

he said he won’t know if I didn’t tell him..

I left a sigh =_=

I told him to just read my mind

what a stupid idea..of course he can’t

cause if he can,it won’t be so hard for me

then I took his hp again and typed

“ko suke aq ke??”

he then sigh.. (sigh war!! XP)

and ask me “where does this idea come from??”

he made a lonely expression..

arg!! I really don’t want to continue from there

but as I already make up my mind..

“here and there..”

as while we were chatting before,

I said jokingly that I went to counseling because of him

so he ask me whether that’s the truth..

I said no!! it’s because something else

he gave me a weird look

“ok,maybe there’s a bit bout you,but that’s not the main point..”

and I confess to him that I cried few times because of hafiz last year

which rarely happen since me and hafiz broke up..

which come ages ago.. (kind of)

then I ask jessen to give me the answer for my question

actually, I really don’t want to know but this thing need to be solve

jessen asked me if I'm feeling uneasy around him and maybe he should avoid himself from me

but he also miss to have the dinner with me that we haven’t did in few time

(as I always reject him with tons of excuse for sometimes now if it’s only 2 of us)

each time jessen asked me for a dinner, dira would be very glad and always told me that it’s just a “friend dinner”

I know by heart that it’s only just a normal dinner between friend but I don’t want to give him any weird idea if I agree each time

I don’t really mind myself but what if there’s a girl who like him, she’ll be heartbroken right??

I told jessen that I do like him but I can’t like him more than a friend

as I still like hafiz and I don’t want to give jessen a fake hope

I told him that maybe it’s better for him to like someone else

I just don’t want our relationship to be broken some stupid reason

I said sorry that I refuse dinner few times before

on the way home,we just talk normally

I was kind of grateful actually or else it would feel so awkward and I don’t want that

I'm being selfish again +_+

after I park my car..

wrong timing!!

few representative from nearly every course of different batch from our faculty are at the parking lot

it’s like nearly every class from our faculty know I went out for dinner outside of campus

Ouchie!! not after what I’ve told jessen T_T

normally I don’t really mind,but that night it’s a bit cold if there’s rumor

though they’re not the kind of spreading fake rumors

as they already saw me,I went to greet them

jessen walked pass me, greet one of them who walked toward him and went to his bike

usually he would say good bye or text me first but none..

as jessen left me there, I chit chatting with them a bit

I talked with a girl there, ila, kind of good friend of mine till 12

then we bid each other good night

while I was talking idly with ila,

she greet nearly everyone who pass us

which means, there were a lot of students from our faculty roaming around that night =)

today, when I told mizuki, elli, dira

what had happen last night between me and jessen,

they were kind of shock =O

mizuki and dira feel pity for jessen

and mizuki told me that I'm being mean -_-"

I'm glad that elli and dira agree with me that

it is better to say no rather than not saying anything

and as jessen is my friend,I don’t want to lie to him or fling with him

as his friendship is very meaningful to me

being reject is hurt,I know it

but being kept in a dark is more painful

after your being reject,u can cry as much as u want

and then go on with your life..

yes,your life haven’t end just yet..

it just and obstacle on achieving something better

bushes and thorns to be cleared before saving the sleeping beauty =0

to go to the next level

but to be kept in dark in a dark,

know nothing of the other feeling

sometimes make me wish that I'm a robot

with no heart and feeling

and can be switch off anytime

also can get my memory altered!! cool =D

very stupid indeed XD

after I clash with hafiz,

though I'm the one who ask for it

I cried nearly every night before I went to bed

and whenever I'm being alone

that’s when I start to hate being alone T_T

I went to dinner with anyone who asked me

whether we’re good or just know each other,

be it 2 person or more..

went drinking (not alcohol) nearly every night,

forcing my friends to accompany me or drinking alone

so that when I'm in my room I'm too tired even to think

shopping or window shopping alone every week

just to see people

until months later I thought that life has to go on

and then I'm only focusing on study with no life..

I keep myself alone,in my own world +_+

but I received the dean award that time mind you XD

to be honest I only went dinner and drinking in front of the hostel

Never really wander far..

Too lazy =P

Only on the weekend I went to the city for shopping

Every week!! XD

Ps: I'm thinking of writing my diary on a scroll..it would be lovely to be this long XD

Ps2: can i really remember if i read my blog later on??im scared of the memory loss..though there are some painful memory but i want to remember it all..

i love music..dum da dum =)

Saturday, January 15

my mum told me...

today helped my friend with her project at the beach
but that beside the story

my mum told me...

before that,let me give you some intro
my uncle's wife,untie rosie
got admit to the hospital again for the 2nd time
she got stress and something..
etto..kind of crazy i guess.. +_+
i pity my uncle and his children...
i mean their children
but as im not really good with his wife,
i pity my uncle more..and the children..
well,even since before she got admit to hospital,
it is my uncle that look after the children..
untie rosie not very good with the housework i could say
she did stay with us for some times before..
that end there..

well,as untie rosie got admit into the hospital
the children got to send to our house
in other word,my grandma was taking care of them
my grandma was quite old you know
but she was willing to take care of the children

then one day,i asked my grandma..
"didnt you go see untie rosie??"
grandma told me that untie rosie didnt want to see her
i was like..
what happen to my grandma,she was very kind before
and her voice,it sounds hurt..

then today,my mum told me the truth
grandma lend untie rosie some money
or rather big money for her to renovate the house
and after she got admit to the hospital,
she didnt want grandma to see her
even when grandma was admit to the hospital,
she didnt come visit even once
nor after grandma got release..
my uncle asked her few times to visit grandma but she didnt want to
too much trouble for her..
(she didnt even has any job..wonder what she up to..)
then now,grandma was a bit reluctant to take care of the children
as the mother,untie rosie didnt know how to thank
she was ungrateful
even after grandma take care of her more than her mother
and yesterday grandma got sick as she was too tired take care of the children
and as i pity my uncle,i helped grandma take care of the children..
ajib,the youngest once,was kind of obedient
maybe because after he was born,others taking care of him
for few months
as her mother got hospitalized..

marriage is harsh..
i dont think of getting married
i agree to a force marriage though if my family would be happy
never really believe in a true love..
it just a fairy tale..
then what bout my dad feeling to my mum??
i wonder... @_@

Friday, January 14

new year new beginning is it?

sumimasen............... *bow*
im sorry........ -("|")-
i havent open my latop for 2 weeks now
now im at home..
using my mum pc just to update my blog
for the sole reason..
i forgot what i've done past weeks T_T

ok2..my result for last sem..
i only got an A and awfully a C+
(why cant it be a B-,jz a little bit more) *rolling on the floor pretend to cry*
well,what i did i get back i guess.. XD
well,i pass this sem again but again,with no color..
poor sarah.. BOO!!

for my industrial training,got a bit prob here..
they havent received my letter..
wadda?? oh god..
need to check it again later
i forgot to bring home the bill to check it online if the letter got lost
somewhere in the sea

hm..i want to take arabic this sem
havent found the sifu yet
if its full..
me not going to take any extra credit this sem..
i can already graduate with my credit now.. XD

risk sms me from the camp
ogenki desuka risku??
daijobu,he's fine..

uh oh..and 1 last thing..
i've been shopping lots of time
after new year
nearly $700 i think XD
omg,sarah!! behave yourself!!
im waiting for my friends to pay me back $400
i only got $400 for 3 month..
dunno how i'll survive if they didnt pay me yet
i just dont want to ask from my mum
ego i would say =P
mata neh..bb ^_^(")