I'm Not Lying.. Just Lying.. (MAY)

its actually out of my habit to wake up early
i did it all the time since i was little
its the alarm clock in my body
so if i didnt wake up early,
i know something wrong with my body..
not enough rest or too much resting..

when i was younger,
i sometimes awake earlier 
before my parents woke me up
but i love faking sleep
and just lying on bed
as my dad told me that 
he'll always wake me up if he's around
no matter how big i am as long as he's there
as he really love me
im such an insecurity person
judge me

nowadays, 
im not even sure what makes people think 
im sleeping, lazying in bed
at this hour (7.30 am)
that is so not me
ya, im being lazy, but not sleeping,
only lying there on my bed..
i prefer some games, manga, light reading..
or trying to get some work down if im up to it
but so not sleeping..
such a waste of time dont u think??
and we only got 24h a day
but yeah, still in my room,
with light out,
no sound 
so people would say i was sleeping
im not lying to them!!
just lying there on my bed..

mum always thought im sleeping in my room
on a day off like this
i rarely did
but im not going to tell her that
cause even if she knew
it makes no diff
she would say im wasting my time..
at least if she thinks im sleeping 
she might think im resting
though she still didnt approve much..

i wish i wish to go back home until next time (MAY)

im being very careful with what i think 
or u can say, what i wish for.. 
as it might just come true.. 
and it might not be your cup of tea.. 
u might wish for something else, 
and u get it 10 fold that u cant help but 
regret it.. 
and start blaming yourself for nothing.. 

a simple:
i wish for
"its not your fault", 
"everyone loves you", 
"i love u",
and end it with a hug and kisses

may begin with different scenes that
u might hate yourself for wishing..

"i wish i wish to go back home until next time"
though i never really know what it means..
i keep repeating it over and over again..
i just wanna go home already.......

ps: be very careful with what you wish for..

at last.. it end.. for today (MAY)

to say im a M,

i would be offend,

as

i hate pain i hate pain i hate pain.. 

this is the real truth, who doesnt hate pain, 

well, unless ur a M of course

(no offense if u r.. =_=")

well, im not a normal healthy person 

as most normal people are..

im the person who got sick almost all year around

for differents reasons each time

(co0L.. not!!)

but..

i like this kind of feeling..

when we're sick,

most of the time, we'll be thinking of HIM

HIS forgiveness, HIS mercy, HIS love

so i cant help but thinking

i dont mind getting sick that much..

if that makes me closer to HIM..

those pains remind me,

im alive..

and HE's always there..

ps: i dont sound like a big M right? but.. the characteristics..
dear Lord.. x_x

Work (April)

im working half day this month
reason?
im too lazy
and its been 3 days overdue to my paycheck
im too lazy to get it
so why do i work?
for money?
it couldnt be as i havent take my paycheck yet
and its not that im in need of money
well,if i got money then thats a bonus
if i didnt,
whatever..

so why i work my *** off for 
12 ****ing hours a day??
honestly, its because im in debt
and im not really good at saying no
when people asked for my help
am i a moron or what??

ps: it was not-a-funny-joke, i need to finish one of my unfinish work, thats why..